Phases of Healing
by CJrocs
Summary: "Tell me when you find it." And she will. She'll call him when she finds where she's supposed to be. She doesn't need him anymore (or at least right now) and can make it on her own. When she finds it, she'll know. When she finds him again, she's not letting go. When Carly comes back, she's there to stay and Sam knows that.
1. Phases of Healing

**Please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes.**

After Carly leaves, Sam finds herself running.  
She runs until her legs burn, it hurts to breathe and sweat pours off her body like she's in the shower.  
Daily runs through Seattle. She stops for nothing. Fatcakes don't catch her eye anymore. She doesn't visit the Groovie Smoothie, she doesn't even eat as much ham.  
She can't bear to go to Spencer's apartment because, it holds too many memories.  
When she's done running for the day, she finds herself passed out on the couch. Her mom tells her how unhealthy it is to run and not consume enough carbs.

Freddie grabs her by the arm one day while she's running. She stops completely, gasping for air. Her lungs burn from lack of oxygen, her legs tingle.  
"I can't stop." She says, trying to tug away from him.  
"This isn't healthy, Sam." His grip on her arm is firm.  
"I can't stop. Not yet." She says. "I've got three more miles." She insists and he shakes his head.  
"No, Sam you're pushing your body to extremes."  
"Oh shut it, dork." She falls into him, finally giving into her jelly like legs.  
"Ugh, Sam." He grunts as he lifts her up and walks into Bushwell Plaza.

She warily eyes his galaxy wars sheets and mentally groans.  
"Here's your sandwich." He sets the sandwich down beside her and she shakes her head.  
"I'm not hungry."  
"You're gonna get an eating disorder."  
"I had an eating disorder." She murmurs. "Now I'm normal."  
"You're not." He sits in his desk chair. "Normal was the Sam who would've already eaten the sandwich and be demanding another one." He turns on his computer and Sam looks at her fingers. She plays with them for a while and thinks about everything. The school year was ending soon, senior year and she had no colleges lined up. She had no dreams to accomplish- no talents to go off of.  
Nothing.  
She stands, pulling her blonde hair into a ponytail and tries to escape out of the 'nerd nest.'  
"Where are you going?" Freddie questions, stopping her. She shrugs. She needs to go run. Running is the only way she can get away from her problems. The problems Carly would've usually helped her with.  
"Running." She answers and turns to him. She sees how much he wants to object, but he doesn't so she leaves his room, the apartment, the floor, the plaza and finishes running.

When it hits the summertime, Sam walks. She still runs, it's just not as often, only when she feels like it. She walks from her house to Bushwell Plaza and heads straight to Freddie's apartment. He lets her in and she sits on his bed. As always, he brings her a sandwich, but she only eats half of it and it's only to appease him.

His walls are bare now, most of his stuff packed up. He's getting ready to move to Massachusetts. He got a full scholarship to MIT.  
She has nowhere to go. Nothing to do.  
No dreams to fulfill. She chews slowly on her small bite of ham sandwich and Freddie watches her eat, satisfied.  
"What are you going to do when I leave?" He asks. She shrugs, looking at the bare walls. What is she going to do? Stay a hot mess, that's what.  
"I don't know. Stay here with my mom. Take up prostituting." She jokes but neither of them laugh.  
"Carly's coming home soon." He says. Sam sighs and feels the knots in her stomach come back. She puts down the sandwich after she's eaten half.  
"Only to go to some fancy smart person college in Connecticut." She responds.  
"You mean Yale?"  
"Yeah, that." She falls back onto the plain blue mattress and looks up at the plain white ceiling.  
"What if you come with me. My mom got me one of those dorm suites with two bedrooms, a kitchen and a bathroom." He offers. Sam closes her eyes for a minute or two. When she's sure she stayed for the appropriate amount of time, she stands up and walks to the door. "Think about it." He says.  
"Okay." She murmurs and walks out of the door.

Massachusetts is too cold for her. It's not home. She hates the people who go here and Freddie's new lady friend is really obnoxious. They laugh and giggle at the oddest of things.  
She tries to block it out, but it doesn't work, so she writes a blog. She writes about her life. Her oh, so hectic life. She writes letters that she'll never send to her father. She writes poems and songs and short stories. It's the only way to escape from her life. The one that's not going anywhere.  
She about looses it when she hears Freddie crack a lame joke.  
"What does one wire say to another wire?" He prompts. The girl, a redhead who's name Sam never cared to learn, giggles an shrugs.  
"What?"  
"Wire you laughing? Is it because I'm short?"  
Sam doesn't get why the two start laughing at that incredibly horrible joke. It hurts her to even think about it.  
"It wasn't funny." She says causing both heads to turn to her. "I'm going out." She grumbles, pulling on her worn out running shoes.  
"Where?" Freddie demands.  
"I'll tell you when I find it." She says and leaves the dorm.

She runs through the campus. Runs past the food shops, the stores, the classrooms, the dorms. She runs until she think she might die. She runs until her legs burn and her lungs are searching desperately for oxygen. She stops under a streetlight. She has no idea where she is. She rests her hands on her knees and breathes heavily.  
Once she has her breath, she walks. She walks aimlessly, trying to find Freddie's dorm. She stops, giving up and sits on the sidewalk. Nobody is out. It's late. She jumps when she feels strong arms grip her, but she doesn't fight back. She's way too tired.  
"Sam..." It's Freddie using his worried voice. She ignores it, she ignores him and wakes up in her bed.

She finishes her book by the next summer. It's getting published and she finally allows herself to cry. She cries on Mrs. Benson's tick bathed couch. All day and all night for what seems like ever.  
She starts to get a little money from her book. Okay, so it's a lot of money, but she has nothing to do with it. Her mother told her to keep it, Melanie is somewhere learning.  
She cries and Freddie comforts her, everyday. He sits with her and brushes her hair. He gets her to shower and brush her teeth and eat. She's happy crazy leaves them alone to do whatever they do.  
She's slowly getting better. Coming to peace with everything that's happened in her life.  
Getting all her baggage out.  
She's not one hundred percent back yet, but it's getting there.  
"I think I'm moving." She says.  
"Where?" Freddie asks. Sam shrugs and stands up. She walks over to where he's folding clothes and hugs him.  
"I don't know." She answers. She rests her head on his back and he continues folding his various shirts and pants.  
"Hmm..." He hums and she smiles a little.  
"Thanks." She murmurs.  
"For what?"  
"For being there until I got my shit together." She responds. She lets go of him and he turns around.  
"That's what friends are for." He says, shrugging. She smiles a little, looks at his sock covered feet and then up into his eyes.  
"Well I had a lot of stuff to sort out, but now I'm better." She sighs and kisses him gently on the lips.  
"I'm glad." He smiles down at her and she heads to the door. She slips on her shoes and grabs the keys to her bike. "Tell me when you get there." He says. She nods.  
"Okay."

And she will. She'll call him when she finds where she's supposed to be. She doesn't need him anymore (or at least right now) and can make it on her own.  
When she finds it, she'll know. When she finds him again, she's not letting go. When Carly comes back, she's there to stay and Sam knows that.  
She hops on her bike in the August heat. She's nineteen. She'll make it even with the no dreams that she has at the moment. But she'll find something. She'll find it. She will.

**Please excuse the way that I can never get to an exact point. It makes sense in my head, I hope it does in yours too. Hope you enjoyed!**


	2. We Meet Again

**A sort of sequel to 'Phases of Healing.'**

**Any spelling/ grammar mistakes are mine. I've been sitting on this story for a while and I figured it was time to post it so I could have 'closure' if you know what I mean...**

Sam was sitting at Inside Out Burger with a cheeseburger and a milkshake. Cat was across from her, babbling about something with the baby in her lap. Dice was sitting beside Cat effectively engaging the redhead, which pleased Sam because now she wouldn't have to. Sam likes LA and it's become a second home to her. It's warmer and (less rainy) than in Seattle. Sure she misses some of the local food places and hangouts (such as the Groovie Smoothie) but she found things to replace it. She also likes the energy in LA. People trying to make it gives off a vibe of perseverance and she feels that the possibilities are endless. She enjoys the street performances and likes jazz clubs, as well as regular clubs. She likes the weather too. She can go to the beach whenever and it rarely gets under fifty.  
"-iCarly?"  
"What?" Sam tunes into their conversation at the mention of her discontinued webshow.  
"Isn't that Freddie? From iCarly?" Dice points and Sam turns to face the register and it most definitely is Freddie.  
"Yeah it is. Why?" And she turns back to what's left of her milkshake.  
"Aren't you going to go talk to him?"  
"Nope." She scratches her nose and Dice huffs.  
"Well can you call him over here so I can sell some of his hair?"  
"Oh my God! It's Freddie from iCarly!" Cat screeches which causes Sam to groan.  
"Yes, Cat. We know." Sam feels someone walk past her only to stop at Cat, so she looks up.  
"Well if it isn't Sam."  
"Fredward." She looks up and sees him grinning at her.  
"Scooch." Freddie demands and for some strange reason, Sam complies.  
"Why are you in LA?" Sam questions after Freddie sits down. She notices the stubble on his chin and if she knew where she stood with him, she would touch it. But the last time she saw him, she kissed him and she doesn't want Freddie to get the idea that she's interested.  
"I'm interning at one of the studios here this summer." He responds. "Why are you here?"  
"It's where I ended up. On my bike. And since Cat graduated last week, we're going into this business together fully. Like- maybe a daycare and after school thing."  
"I thought you hated kids."  
"I do." She rolls her eyes when Dice lets out an offended 'hey!' "But I'm making a lot of money so..." And she can't help it. She has to touch his chin. She slowly reaches out and brushes her fingers over it. "I see you finally made it through puberty. Congrats."  
"Yeah, I'm trying to grow a beard like you." Freddie chuckles and Sam mocks him. Dice kicks her from under the table and she kicks back.  
"Ow. I just wanted to know if you could get me some of his hair."

"So this is your apartment for the summer?" Sam questions, making herself at home by laying across the couch. "How much does it cost?"  
"Nothing. It's covered in the internship."  
"Cool. Get me a drink?" She flicks on the TV and Freddie comes out of the kitchen with two glasses of water. He sits beside her and she takes the water, downing it in one gulp.  
"I read your book." Freddie says off handedly when a rerun goes off. Sam glances at him from the corner of her eye and huffs, not bothering to respond humanely. "It was good... interesting to say the least."  
"To say the least, it was a book." Her smart comment doesn't go unnoticed by Freddie who nudges her in the ribs.  
"I read the part about me."  
"You did say you read the book." And she leaves it at that, hoping another show will come on to distract him.  
"So, you still love me?" He asks. Sam sets her empty glass of water down and debates whether or not she should have this conversation now. After weighing her options, she mutes the TV and turn to Freddie, casually setting her feet in his lap.  
"Of course. You've been one of my best friends forever, even though I hate to admit it, and you helped me through my funk, remember?" It's in a playful tone and she even punches his arm in good fashion.  
"No. But, Sam... do you love me?" Her toes curl when Freddie touches the pads of her feet. She says nothing, but leans against the cushion. Sam studies Freddie and reads into every little action he makes. When his eyebrows arch, she moves her hair off of her shoulder and unmutes the TV, never answering his question.

Them getting back together was a gradual thing. Neither talked about titles, they just sort of happened. People would call them girlfriend and boyfriend, and neither would object or correct them so it just stuck. Then they introduced each other with those titles. Kisses were used as greetings instead of hugs and those nights Sam didn't have to babysit, she'd be at Freddie's. (Or vice versa.)

With the summer slowly coming to an end, Sam and Freddie had to actually talk about their relationship.  
"So we are gonna try this long distance thing?" Sam questions, raising an eyebrow. She's wearing one of Freddie's plaid button up shirts and nothing else. The shirt isn't even really buttoned. She's watching him pack up the apartment.  
"Yeah. Don't _you_ want to try the long distance thing?"  
"Of course." Sam cocks her head and Freddie sighs, setting down a box of shoes. He walks over to her and leans over the bar until their lips meet.  
"Are you scared, baby?" Freddie questions, earning him a light slap, but a slap none the less.  
"Yeah. I mean, in high school we couldn't even make it work and we were always together!" She rests her elbows back on the granite counter and Freddie walks around the bar and wraps his arms around her waist.  
"Well it will work- we will work."  
"How are you so sure?" She straightens herself in his arms and turns. "I don't want to keep you from having fun. You may go to geek central but geeks like geeks and you're in college. College boys need to be set free."  
"What do you want, Sam?"  
"For you not to be free." As she says it, she cringes because that's his right... the right to be free.  
"That's fine with me, babe." He whispers, slipping his shirt off of her body leaving her naked. "I need to put my dirty clothes in one place." He kisses her teasingly and walks away with his shirt.

'They say love changes people. They say you fall in love with your best friend, but maybe you just become best friends after you fall in love.' The first two sentences of her new book. The third? 'Maybe, just maybe, I've been changed by love too.'

Freddie's third year of college and her second year babysitting, she finally got the book published. The proposal came in a pack of fan mail or- whatever it's called. It was in a cardboard box and on top was a card. She opened it.  
'So this long distance thing worked, huh? I guess it's time for me to man up and just do it. Debbie- you remember Debbie? Well, she helped me pick this out.'  
Sam opened cardboard box and her heart stopped when she saw the ring case. In it was a brilliant engagement ring and she picked up her phone, dialing Freddie immediately.  
_"Hey, Sam."_  
"Hey. I got your package."  
_"And?"_  
"Hell no!"

**Hello! Another 'related' ones shot is up next and what I mean by 'related' is it follows the 'story line' and 'time line' that goes with Phases of Healing and what's up next. After I'm done with this series of three, I might do a whole trilogy off of it and the trilogy is slowly working itself out in my head. If you don't want to miss the trilogy, follow this story and I'll update to tell you what its called... Right now each part is looking to be about 12-24 chapters... Yeah, bear with me please while I work this out! Thanks, CJ**


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